Poem 28

Confession

crying a little in the inside from the frustration of having to look at you
whenever I have to ask for anything that I am in need of
like a ride to school because I’m too lame to get my own car
because I know you’ll never let it go and hang it over my head
like some expensive prize you had just won or maybe
the winning lottery ticket, your 1050th ticket.

but you taught me well enough to never show weakness
seeping through the cracks in my heart that you drilled open
while I was but a young and naive little girl that followed
you, danced with you with my feet on yours while no music
played in the background, but just in our heads.

over the years of ruthless verbal abuse that never stopped
to dent my already waning heart from the real world,
I learned to never put my trust in the closest people in my life
and to never open myself to the harshness of everything,
resulting in never feeling even the best of the best things.

you took away my ability to stand so that you could
be the only one proud and tall once the disaster has passed
and blamed me for the things I didn’t understand
so that you could shine brighter and better than the rest
when all I needed was you to look at me for me.

thank you so much for giving a rats ass for the youngest,
the one who resembled your face even when she didn’t want
to be your fucking spitting image, the one who would possibly
follow in your footsteps, because who could ever
want to be someone they hated deeply in their soul?

&velajune

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