Let’s Have A Conversation: Nice Guys

To celebrate my 100th post, let’s have a serious conversation.

Let’s have a conversation about the growing topic of “Nice Guys” because it’s quite an important topic, especially for our/ my generation.

Before we begin, maybe a definition of the growing concept would be helpful and a few other things that’ll get your mind wrapped around the subject.

Nice Guys™

Nice Guys™ of OkCupid!

Explainer

Rap

 

Now, are we ready to listen to my penny about the matter? (I won’t go deep into the subject, just enough that I get my opinion out as I’d like to hear what you have to say as well.)

In some aspects, my friends have claimed me to be a feminist. At some point, I’ve accepted the characteristic and embraced the idea that, hey, maybe I am a feminist and I just didn’t know it for myself.

By definition, feminism is “the advocacy of women’s rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men” which in most cases does explain some of my beliefs. You may be wondering why I mentioned this. You’ll understand why as I go on though I won’t outright refer to this paragraph ever again.

And I’d also like to disclaim that I in no way was ever associated with niceguysofokc … I don’t even know if I’m writing that correctly. I should look it up though, shouldn’t I? I know that it has a claim on being Neo-feminism or New Feminism. Alsa, the concept of OkCupid still eludes me. Maybe I’m not understanding my research of it well enough.

Anyway, the term “Nice Guy” was pretty much overused on that tumblr. I don’t even know where to begin nodding or criticizing the things that had been posted there. It had some good points, but pretty much almost overshadowed by its misandry. Because of that detail, it’s difficult to overcome and to listen to what the owner of that tumblr had to say. Even for someone like who might have found a common ground can’t find that common ground because she’s too busy praising herself to see that she has flaws too (and not in the literal sense). Basically though, what she did have to say is that, many guys claim to be “Nice Guys”, but they’re really far from it.

I think now, the term “Nice Guy” has taken a new shape. I’ve seen countless articles about “Nice Guys”, well, “coming in last”. First of all, love isn’t a race to be won. We don’t fall in love so that we can win. What is this, the World Cup? (Off topic: Which team are you rooting for this 2014 FIFA World Cup?) Anyway… the articles coming out are, in my opinion, coming off as very self-praising, obnoxious, maybe arrogant and it makes me think that these so called “Nice Guys” aren’t as nice as they say they are because A. I’m offended by the overly generalized bashing… B.. Well it was overly generalized, C. it was slander against women and if you want, I’ll say this, it was a slander against ALL women. It bashed on the women who have no sense of commitment, on women who fall for the bad guy, for the women who do fall for the nice guy only to throw to the side, to the women who don’t know what they have til they don’t (which a lot of us have gone through), etc.

I felt insulted even though I’ve never even dated. What does that say about these articles?

I’ve had my shares of rejection and rejecting. I don’t know if I’m a real nice girl. I’m pretty average, I guess. I’ve done good and I’ve done bad. Whatever. I’ve rejected nice guys not because I wanted a bad boy, but because I simply felt nothing for that person. Is that wrong? No, of course not. You can’t tell a person what they should or shouldn’t feel. And if you do and you claim yourself to be a “Nice Guy”, you’re really just an asshole. Plus, I’ve been rejected by a nice guy. Why? Because he liked someone else. You get over that stuff.

Reality check, we don’t all end up with the person we like.

( I probably fumbled a bit with the topic as I’m writing without a clear mind. I’m a little put off, you might say after a friend on Facebook shared an article/letter.

This was my reply: (With the first paragraph omitted as it repeats the others I’ve written here.)

I’m having difficulty putting into words how irritated I am at these articles because these “nice guys” are just a bunch of pretenders. These articles about “nice guys” are extremely one-sided in every aspect and some are overly general. Others have also sounded quite misogynistic.

What pisses me off more is that these so called “nice guys” are looking to be rewarded for their momentary decency towards the girl that they like, but once that girl has found someone she wants to be with, not just as friends, then suddenly the “nice guy” isn’t so nice anymore. Maybe this is a newsflash or a reality check, but we don’t always end up with the person we like. Some people need to grow up, step back and look at their life in a more objective way because honestly, these “nice guys” are anything but what they claim to be.

Anyway, I know real good guys and they’re nothing like those “nice guys”. I feel that these articles give the real nice guys a bad name.

I’ll like to the letter on the next paragraph.)

Like I said, the articles are overly general and they attack women (or themselves, if the writer is a woman) for making the “wrong” decision or wasting what was good in their life or not appreciating what they have.  Here’s a letter to give you a taste of what a “Nice Guy” is. Who’s to say that it’s the wrong decision? Whose point of view are we reading this from? Isn’t it from the bitter self-praising “nice guy” who didn’t get the girl? Do we actually know if the guy the girl chose is an actual jerk? Of course not, unless we were there.

Since this is the case, let’s throw out all sympathy we have that was built up from reading an article like that. When that sympathy and biasness is gone, all I see is a bitter man who failed to get the girl. If that were the case, I think people would forgive him a little more for complaining and being a douche about his heartbreak. Why? At some point, we all have had our hearts broken before and we can sympathize much better with something more familiar. Otherwise, he’s proclamation to being “nice” is just another way of saying in a very obnoxious way, that he deserves better and nothing less which really isn’t so bad if he wasn’t so, well, obnoxious about it. And most women dislike arrogance.

Do you understand where I’m getting at?

Here’s an example of a real douche pretending to be a nice guy.

I think that what these pretenders most misunderstand are women. They over generalize the want of women for bad guys or the fixer-upper. Some women really are meant to change a person while others aren’t. We shouldn’t deny the latter of that. (And if you tell me that they can’t be changed, I’ll smack you. Don’t judge a person you don’t know. Some people deserve a second chance, or just a chance.) I won’t be unrealistic and say all women don’t want a bad guy because some do and some are pulled by the magnetism of their mysteriousness. Honestly, there’s nothing remotely wrong about being curious. We can learn and grow from our mistakes, if it was indeed a mistake.

These so called “nice guys” are complaining that their momentary decency to the girl they like deserves recognition of the highest level, but as soon as she finds a guy she wants to be with, not just as friends, he’s out there making noise and degrading her. And for what? Making a choice he doesn’t like.

If you can’t be happy for the girl you like, at least have the decency to hope that she’s made the right choice. Don’t hope that she gets her heart broken so that she can run back to you. That’s just wrong. Don’t even have me give a comparison for this because this should be easy to understand. And girls, this goes for you as well. I’m not asking you to jump for joy or to smile when you can’t, but to have the strength to let go when you’re asked to.

My biggest complaint is that I have to put quotes on “Nice Guy” when in reality, “Nice Guys” should just be nice guys. Real nice guys need no recognition for every decent action, just like an average person needs no recognition for every good deed. It’s just human decency. Got it?

Expecting something in return after a good deed is not good deed.

 

Also, can someone explain to me what the trademark is for after “Nice Guys”? … because I don’t write it. Another thing, a disclaimer I suppose, this whole rant-thing wasn’t about OKC’s “Nice Guys” but the articles about guys claiming to be “Nice Guys”. I just wanted to clarify that. Whether or not those guys are OKC related has nothing to do with the opinions I’ve dished out. And you are welcome to have your opinion in agreement or not.

 

End of Part 1?

Maybe. If I ever find the passion to return to this.

 

Here are a few articles for you to read.

Why nice guys are the worst

Heartless Bitch: Nice Guys

 

Here’s a really good one for you to read. Just copy and paste…  lol

http://ryandow.com/ic/2013/01/16/nice-guys-of-okcupid-pt-1/

 

I’m pretty sure if you type nice guys on google you’ll find tons of stuff.

 

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