Poem 53

the dreams you strive to make real

is no where to be found in this dessert full of nothings,

and I’m not telling you this

to make light of the matter, the matter in which you’ve lost

while you waited

because I’ve been there and done that.

I have

given my years to days of financial security

for you and your siblings and your goddamn father

and his family,

people I’ve forsaken through the years that I have given.

There never goes a day

in which I run the memories through my head

blaming you

and your siblings and your father,

your goddamn father

for the years that I’ve been forced to give.

They were taken from me!

Me, who’s done it all

kneeled and begged for forgiveness,

set aside my own pride for yours.

I blame you in my head

but I love you nonetheless with deepest sincerity from the bottom of my heart,

I love you.

You are the child I bore alone,

the child I raised with others,

the spitting image of that old man of yours.

Me

and you.

You who gave up too many times to count

because of the nonsense of following your dreams

instead of giving

and thanking me for all the years I’ve given.

I didn’t labor over you, over your siblings

over your goddamn father

just so I can keep laboring

without an end to this misery that I keep in my mind.

I gave up too much

and you’ve given me nothing.

The dreams you strive to make real,

they better be worth the pain and aches

because these words, I’ll never say them aloud

for I love you,

more than I ever loved my dreams.

 

c. 2014

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