the dreams you strive to make real
is no where to be found in this dessert full of nothings,
and I’m not telling you this
to make light of the matter, the matter in which you’ve lost
while you waited
because I’ve been there and done that.
given my years to days of financial security
for you and your siblings and your goddamn father
and his family,
people I’ve forsaken through the years that I have given.
There never goes a day
in which I run the memories through my head
and your siblings and your father,
your goddamn father
for the years that I’ve been forced to give.
They were taken from me!
Me, who’s done it all
kneeled and begged for forgiveness,
set aside my own pride for yours.
I blame you in my head
but I love you nonetheless with deepest sincerity from the bottom of my heart,
I love you.
You are the child I bore alone,
the child I raised with others,
the spitting image of that old man of yours.
You who gave up too many times to count
because of the nonsense of following your dreams
instead of giving
and thanking me for all the years I’ve given.
I didn’t labor over you, over your siblings
over your goddamn father
just so I can keep laboring
without an end to this misery that I keep in my mind.
I gave up too much
and you’ve given me nothing.
The dreams you strive to make real,
they better be worth the pain and aches
because these words, I’ll never say them aloud
for I love you,
more than I ever loved my dreams.