Poem 56

 

 War on Me

Tears, they dry up. Words, they get thrown out. So, I end up sleeping away the day just so I don’t have to deal with anything. This is just me on days when it gets tiring to pretend it’s okay because it never really goes away.

My body is heavy from the multiple “I love you’s” that never quite sound the way that they should, not anymore. They’re hollow from pains, not just my own. And it becomes a chore to even breathe. The only easy thing is to shut my eyes, close them from everything I opened my heart to. They tell you “I love you” but they’re like broken records, unknowingly repeating what they don’t mean to say. I trace the lines that are no longer present to this day thinking, is it possible to see them again, is it that time again where my past comes to eat me up like the monster under my bed when I was young.

This is my nightmare that not a lot of people can fathom. It’s the demon that hangs over me, one I’ve failed to vanquish day after day, and even through the years of preparedness, it’s still there waiting for me to greet it like I did then.

No one knows. It’ll always be a war saving myself.

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