My Own

It has been an easy two years of college and a tough four years of trying to find my way out of the woods. Currently, I have one year left of college. One year left of being able to say, I’m still quite a child. It’s one year away from true adulthood, but I’m hoping that the burdens will feel lighter.

It means, no more trying to please my family and a journey to completely pleasing myself with dreams I’ve had to put off and wishes I couldn’t even say of fear that they may not be real enough for anyone but myself.

It’s been an easy two years of college in AI because art comes to me easier than anything. And even though, I’m struggling like hell in keeping the passion alive for this particular art path, it’s still easier than forcing myself to do something I hate.

But it’s also been tough the four years. It’s tough being in school while I feel like the world, my world, is crumbling right before me. It’s difficult living lie after lie of saying I’m okay when clearly, inside, I’ve fallen apart too many times I’ve lost count. It will be tougher as things I feared, never expected or liked will cross my path.

After all, life can’t be written if we refuse to write it.

I was just thinking, I need to take back control of my life, of my world and of my dreams. And even if I have to compromise myself, it’ll be better than not even having the things that I love.

So, I will paint. I will craft. I will do the things I’ve always loved along side the things I’m becoming to realize I wasn’t meant to do. To some, it sounds right and to others this sounds wrong. I have one year left. I have one year left to make my mother happy and she can relaxing too when I finish and that is what’s right to me.

It’s okay to fall…

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