during winter afternoons…
she sits by the window,
tucked with warmth by her wool sheets
and coffee mug,
writing and dreaming her life away
with memories and wishes.
and she will sit there
for as long as needed
starring out into the golden glow
or the dimming of lights
from neighboring windows.
she will remember that day
back in her embarrassing senior year
how she poured out her heart
for the very first time
to the guy who’d eventually
then break her heart
into a thousand, no- a million
because she’d never fallen so hard
as she had fallen for him.
she will remember the times
when she was on the other side of that
but never really regretting.
she will remember that a long time ago
they were real close
even though now they barely talked
because not only distance can keep people away
and also because people change
on an everyday basis.
she will rub her hands together
to keep them from freezing up over the keys
and clear her throat just to clear
she will debate about
what could have been done
and what has already been done
during those youthful days
like she could change the outcome somehow.
she will remember those times she laughed
at his jokes like they were funny,
but she really had no understanding.
she will remember the many guys
that didn’t live up to
because no one was like him
and even though that was okay, her heart
yearned for him.
she will remember how this wouldn’t be the first
she had looked for him within
the rays of the sun or asked
about him in the most subtlest way.
and she will wish
to remember never to do it again
but she will
during winter afternoons.