Poem 63 + Personal Update

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The Tale

I tell stories of great adventures
and “daring sword fights”
like etched in our hearts
fairytales of old.

I dream of princesses
but never of damsels,
oh no, never of being saved,
rather being the saviour.

Though white knights
come thundering in,
mighty as they may seem,
are never heavy handed.

I tell of stories with love,
love to go around,
not just
with torrent kisses
but gentle hugs and
spine shivering whispers.

They tell you in many words
to shut your eyes for a moment
and let it wash over
like waterfall.

It’s all too big and incomprehensible
yet quite understandable,
love
that’s what it was.

&velajune
Thanks for reading my impromptu poem for today.
I really wanted to post something today, Jan 31 because it’s my birthday. For a month, I kept telling people how I didn’t want to treat it any more special than I would treat a normal day because of various reasons. I’m 23 now and not that I feel any older, but I feel like time is moving quicker than I wish it to. There are so many things in my To Do List that haven’t been crossed out yet, I’m 23 now. Goodness. It’s quite daunting, the increase in age and what is to be expected. But a lot of it, a lot of this anxiety that’s built up within me is the fact that I don’t know what’s real and what’s not in my life.

A long time ago, I had this eerie prediction that I’d live only until 24 and not I only have a year or so left before then. What do I do if I do die then? What do I do if I don’t? Shit. Pardon my French. I feel so overwhelmed with life.

I have very little idea as to who my real friends are and who don’t even think of me as part of their life anymore. And I don’t even know what to do with my Facebook anymore. Most of me wants to just deactivate it and the rest is thinking, what about family and the ‘real’ friends? What will they think?

Fuck them?
I can’t. I don’t text. I don’t call. Facebook gives me the possibility of connecting or reconnecting. But I really want to.

The other part to my anxiety is for the fact that I’m 23 and I’ve never dated. I’m as resolute as one can be with the future of living in a cathedral or church, but for someone who’s quite an advocate for true love, this hopeless romantic has yet to be hopelessly in love.

Oh life.

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