Poem 74

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this is how i loved

i was bleu
in every sort of way
even before he touched my
heart
i guess i never
noticed

but i painted you
in contrast,
bright
and overly beautiful
in every which way.
kind heart
understanding
fun
touching
caring.

i envied
your beauty
to my beast.

with you
there was music
and there was childhood.
there were smiles
and times of being playful.
i liked that
and i stuck to that.
i touched colors
like oranges
reds
yellows
and all the warmth,
i gave credit to you
because i was cold,
i was lost,
and i was bleu.

i look for the shiny
not necessarily new.
if you were broken
i didn’t mind
as long as together
we could build
and grow.
i was excited by that,
by the sheer comfort
that you
would
love me back.

and it was good
for a while,
i liked how you
stared
protected
loved
me and never asking
for anything more
than mutual
understanding.
it hurt how you left.
how they all left
one by one.

i learned how to love
deeply
when i held on
for years
thinking that maybe,
just maybe, you’d finally see
me
not just as a friend.

not just the girl next door.
not just your best girl.
not just on Sundays.

i was never anything else
but bleu
you,
maybe,
the contrast to the brilliant,
to the stars,
the moon.

i loved
every single moment
and i was afraid to admit that
for a long time
because this is how i loved,
i loved in silence.

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