It Wasn’t Simple

howdidweget

one shot fanfiction of real Kpop Idols: Choi Seunghyun (TOP) and Sandara Park (Dara)

date first published: 18 Decemeber 2011 @ YGLadies[dot]com

Sandara

I didn’t know how things got to where they are now. I couldn’t even understand why I always talked in a hushed tone when I was around him, yet it always happened.

My voice never failed to lose its confidence when he was near. Denying my feelings would have been my first choice if it weren’t also for the fact that we were always thrown into situations too unavoidable.

He’s always around. Everywhere my head turned or where my eyes landed, he was always there. His adorably innocent smile that held my heart still freezes me where I stand. Just like now.

“Hi,” his simple greeting and his simple smile, holding me down.

“Hey,” my words seemed like they didn’t have any impact on him at all.

Today, I’m not quite sure why I’m seeing his face. I just know, I wanted to run the other way around.

He looks at me with those kind and different eyes of his. I look back lost and broken. When did things turn out this way? I tried to recall,but nothing comes to mind at the moment. I can only hear my heart ready to burst and fly off my chest.

“What do you know, we’re working together again…” he awkwardly tried to laugh.

I laugh with him as to not throw his efforts away.

Does it matter if he looks like an idiot, right now? Does it matter to me that he’ll look like an idiot in front of the girl he’s gone off with?

I don’t hate him. I don’t hate her. I’m just… I’m simply heart broken. Don’t I have the right to love him…?

She looks my way with a big grin on her face. She waves without delay and I find the strength to wave back. He turns his head to where my eyes had luckily wandered off. He smiles at her with that same smile I’d fallen in love with. Shaking my head vigorously, I turn back my attention to him.

“-” I stop myself.

What do I call him? TOP? Seunghyunlove? Where was the line he had drawn? I didn’t know and I didn’t quite understand.

“San- uh Dara,” with just a pause I knew just where this would end, “can I-” and so I cut him off.

Hearing him out isn’t something I had in mind. I don’t even want to be here. December is just a month. Why celebrate so many things? Did I have to be here? Couldn’t I just lie down somewhere and rot?

“Please take care of me today!” I say in my most cheerful voice and walk away.

“Dara!” His voice echoes in my head, but he too has been talking in a hushed tone.

I flinch as his fingers wrap around my skinny arm.

His grip proved too strong for my puny arms. He’s got muscles I can’t even imagine to battle off, so I turn in defeat.

“Yeah?” I answer. I make sure to avoid his name since I was still unsure as to what to call him. “Have I done something wrong?”

Love… is such a cruel thing, you know? They push and pull as if I was some toy.

He didn’t know. He doesn’t know and neither does she.

I am the only one who knows that my heart beats for him while his beats for her. Could I hate him for that? Could I hate her for that? No… I know it’s unfair. I understand, but is it so simple to just pretend?

“How long?” I whisper.

“What?” He asks.

“Nothing, you haven’t done anything, nothing at all,” I emphasize.

“You always…” his long pause enters, “look mad now a days”.

So you’ve noticed, noticed something that no one else has. What’s wrong with you? “It’s nothing,” I lie, of course.

Unrequited love, I know, is something that happens. It wasn’t simple, it never was.

Seunghyun

She always looks away from the gazes I hoped she’d catch. It’s f*cking hard to keep her from putting her wall up, always on her toes, ready to run. It’s like chasing after her was the only thing I ever do. Even now, she’s not listening to a word I’m saying. I don’t know what it is that’s running through her mind, nor do I know why it’s her I’ve chosen to pursue. Against the rules? Did it matter? Was love always so simple, so simple that I could just put it aside? It’s never really crossed my mind and I’ve never given it much thought until recently. Well, not recent, I suppose. It’s been quite a long time. It’s not a vague memory, but I’d rather not admit to it. Let’s just say, I’ve always looked at her.

“-tonight,” I end.

Her eyes are off somewhere else, day dreaming or watching Bom like she always does when she’s with me.

Sometimes, I think, she may not even be interested in men. Men…

“What?” She asks.

“Would you go on,” I look around, “a date with me?”

The difficult part about this isn’t the fact that YG would be breathing over me for even thinking such a thing, it’s the fact that he may not need to.

If she were to say no… that was what I feared most.

She looks at me, bewildered beyond comprehension.

I don’t have an answer. It’s a simple question, I would think, one she would sure be able to understand and answer, whether it’d be ‘yes’ or ‘no’.

She fiddles with her fingers and her lips presses into a slight pout. Deeply thinking… or not. Maybe she’s trying to find a way to reject me in the nicest possible way. I honestly have no idea. Bom was definitely right to coach me in this. Patience is something I have, true, but my racing heart can only take so much, can only wait for so long. She keeps up with her long pause until time is no longer of abundance and we are back to standing and pretending to be okay. She dances, while I try to keep up, my mind on her. The days I spent practicing with Bom is turning into a waste of time as the day drags. She would keep avoiding me, reasons even I could not deny.Whoever said showbiz and love was easy, was lying. It wasn’t simple at all.

Bom

I didn’t understand why my Ssantoki made sure to wish me a good luck before a performance with Jiyong-oppa and Seunghyun. It didn’t make sense to me that she would even go as far as to say good luck twice and each with a different context. I should know… I always speak with a hidden message when I know I can’t say it out loud.

“So, Bommie,” Sandara fiddles with her fingers before smiling sheepishly.

“What is it?” I finally ask.

“Uh, nevermind,” she speaks as she turns towards Seunghyun.

Ah, of course. He must have told her something and now she doesn’t know how to reply. Would asking her about it be a good idea? It’s not like she’s come up to me to ask for advice… well, not directly, at least.

“San-da-ra!” I chime with the light heartedness she has been waiting for.

“Yeah?”

“What is it that’s on your mind right now?” I poke.

I could see from the corner of my eyes, Seunghyun’s wondering ones, too curious to not look our way. I wasn’t paying any attention to them earlier, so there was nothing to draw from. She was out of it, and so was he.

“It’s really nothing,” she denies again.

“It’s not nice to deny such a thing. Let me tell you something,” I pull her closer, “if you’re afraid, chances are, he is too.”

She looks at me curiously, but I shrug it off. I watch her walk over to him, finally brushing her insecurities away. She turns to me waiting for an approval of some sort, so I nod her way with a smile curling.

Admitting that you like someone is one thing, having to say it to that someone is another. Neither one is simple.

Yang Hyun Suk

I don’t get it, the hiding and the denying, but I pretend not to see anyway because I just think they’re adorable. The professionalism they’ve shown me have really proved many things that I wouldn’t ever admit to them. As they discuss their standing, I pretend to be watching Minji and Chaerin practice for the concert.

Big Bang wasn’t supposed to be here today, but supporting each other is something they’ve always done.

Jiyong, who’s coaching the girls right now, is always a caring senior. I don’t mind having him around. Taeyang too is pretty helpful as he gives pointers to his hoobaes. Seungri on the other hand… and Daesung… troublemakers (lol Hyuna and JS). And there was one other kid lurking around: Seunghyun.

He tries to hide his yearning, but I can tell. I’m not so slow as to not see what’s going on. He likes her and she likes him. Easy enough, right? Well, not really. It’s been… two hours and those two have only discussed things about their practices. The slow development is killing me! It isn’t so simple, waiting. I have to be careful as to what I say, and do, but if they don’t hurry it up, I’ll deal the final hand myself.

“Seunghyun…” Sandara whispers and looks my way, so I smile and points to the screen I’m pretending to watch.

She simply nods as I tell her I want her to go ahead and redo it. Maybe if I messed with their time a little, it’ll hasten.

“Yeah?’ TOP answers.

“I like you-” she abruptly confesses.

He turns my way for a second, but I pretend to not be looking. He cups her chin and lifts it. Like in the MV of I’m Sorry, he took her in his arms and kissed her. Or so the story goes…

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s