This is another one of those rants about my life and the fact that I don’t even care for myself.
I’m in a situation again where I’m stuck between a hard place and a rock. These two immovable aspects in my life have officially announced itself to me in the most subtle/ hidden way possible.
And as much as I am worried about what others may say- others meaning my poor mother- I don’t really give a rats ass about it. On one hand, this feeling of irrelevancy comes from not really caring about my life. On the other, it’s because I don’t really care about this path in my life.
I’ll tackle the first hand.
Currently, I’m feeling like my life isn’t worth much to me. I don’t have a set goal or dream that working towards to which is something I’ve been lacking since forever, real motivation to fulfill a dream.
For the other hand, I feel more like, I made a mistake taking the path that I’m on. And I keep thinking about what I could have done instead even though I know I shouldn’t. I know better than to do that, yet I do it.
The only really sucky thing right now is that I know I have the potential to succeed in whatever I do, but I keep disappointing.
Otherwise, really, I don’t care. No matter how royally f-ed up the situation may be, I feel like my mistakes are my mistakes and that I have the right to make them. And I am willing to take those wrongs, admit to them. But I would rather they be my mistakes alone and that my mom would stop claiming theirs as hers.