an: disclaimer. I know this can sound real, but this is a poem of fictional work inspired by my emotional struggles.
how to back down
a. I will write a long letter
about going away someday,
of how it will happen.
1. I will write a letter
addressed to every person
even the ones who hurt me.
2. There will be words like
I don’t blame you,
it’s me, not you
me, me, me, and most definitely
not because of you
even though that is a lie.
3. I will hide this letter
between the pages of my favorite novel
that you’ll never find,
you never listened anyway.
4. It will include a list of things
I can’t take with me later in life,
things I am forced to let go.
6. I will make it difficult to breathe
in the same way I couldn’t
so that you are forced to understand
why it turned out this way.
b. I will take that knife you gave me
at 22 because it’s symbolic
of how you drove me away.
1. Tears will slide down my cheeks
as I see a reflection of defeat
painted across my face.
2. I loved myself
once upon a time
when innocence and naivety existed.
3. And as I grew up,
I hated the person that drowned me.
4. So, I will run it down for every time
I’d ever felt the pangs of guilt,
for the times I feared,
guilt that pushed me to abandon,
and fear that solidified my guilt.
5. The blood that runs through my veins
will be visible like how dreams were hidden,
they will be revealed even without permission.
6. I will lay there immobile
and unrestricted by familial duties
and social expectations.
c. You will be left without a clue,
no inkling of why I would hurt you
and once again,
it’s not me, me, me
but you and you alone.
d. And you won’t know what to say or do
and you will know without knowing
where I came from.
e. I will read this over and over
like I’ve done the deed,
accomplished such a feat
because this is how to