Movie Night 04

The Last Five Years

Watched this last night…

No picture of the movie. It was heartbreaking and a love that I could never ever even imagine to fight for. Therefore, no picture.

It was actually a musical turned into film. I would love to watch the musical if ever I could. I don’t really know much about it, but it would be nice to see it in a different medium.

This film broke the heart of a future me.

I’m not sure how to explain it. Only, I wasn’t hurt for me. I was hurt from relating to her and from thinking, what if, a hurricane of a love like that were to come knocking me down?

I always thought to fear love. That’s ingrained in me.

And I was scared even more after watching that. It’s scary to think that you could fall in love with someone for a long time or short and still, nothing is forever.

I’ve never had good role models when it came to romantic love. Everyone around me has told me that love is worth nothing next to all the other worries. I don’t even know how to love someone else. How to share my life with another. All the adults will tell me, love is worth nothing. Love will only bring you headaches and rushed judgments. Nothing can come of it. Nothing.

For a while now, I have been thinking that I was ready to open up to someone. That I could share my struggles, and his struggles. But it’s so scary.

I’d always known that.

Yet, I feel so afraid. More than I was before to step out.

edit author’s note. sister post: he has brown eyes


3 thoughts on “Movie Night 04

  1. Love’s greatest secret is not finding it in life, but rather letting it find you …
    One thing I have learned is you can never be prepared for love, and that it is more than physical – although it helps to love someones face ;-), all things grow old, so what fits for youth may not fit for age. I have been married twice, and the breakup of a marriage is not easy, especially with children, but I stayed close to my kids, and let go of a lot in order to do that, and to a large degree it paid off. Don’t worry about what it will be like, just know that love comes from the heart and not the head (or other body parts). Yes, heart aches are the worst, but heart beams are the brightest lights too …

    • Yes, I couldn’t agree more. I think, I was just so affected by that movie during the few hours after watching it that I forgot. Thankfully though, I had a really good dream to drive away those fears before it planted itself permanently.

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