I never realized it before, but today, I was pushing myself to face my problems that I’ve been desperate to run from. I listen to gospel music whenever I feel lost and down and in search of an answer for the feelings that overcome me. It’s something that I just do, like a reflex. So, it never really meant much to me.
I find that when I block my mind from everything else, I have an easier time seeing what I couldn’t before. Gospel music is the only music, save for white noise/nature sounds that can completely put my mind at ease, in meditation.
It’s nice and peaceful.
I recently returned to my church, went to confession and everything. I just feel so at ease. It’s good and great.
To me, my religion, I practice it because I’m looking for my own relationship with the Lord. Of course, everyone has their own reasons. And I know that mine might sound a little selfish or with a hidden agenda or something- it’s how my family sees it- but I think my search for myself has always been one I’ve been trying to coincide with my religion. Therefore, the relationship I’d like to have with the Lord is one I want to make sense with whatever else happens in my life.
My eldest sister recently moved out. Still have to fix my room… mine alone. And I’ve been having a difficult time rearranging things. I don’t know if it’s because I have sad feelings about her moving out, and if I do, they’re not evident even to me. I also lack furniture. I have my bed. I have a cube bookshelf she left behind, and the closet. Most of my stuff is boxed or stacked on the floor. I don’t know where to start. Should I throw away things? Should I reshelve them?
I was having difficulty deciding. So, I cleaned the bathroom. Didn’t know until now how many things my sister actually owned in comparison to me.
But then, I sat down, listened to contemporary christian songs and viola! I sketched out an idea. And I created a plan.
Now to tackle the rest of my life.
My Listener at 7CoT tells me, take it day by day, so I am.