It happens and I live with it.
Depression isn’t something you wish away or you get rid of. It’ll always be there, sometimes, it’s at rest, and sometimes, it’s energized for a long term disturbance.
In the months of finally admitting and seeking help, I’ve obviously learned a lot and try to live in a way that doesn’t let my depression be me. I am not my sickness. That’s one of the many things I like to say to myself.
Everyday, it’s a battle between parts of me. I’m sure, anyone who’s going through a similar situation or know someone or even just understand, knows that it’s a tough battle within yourself. And it’s even tougher when people around you can’t seem to grasp that you are not in a position where they can just dump their careless words on to you and be okay with it. I don’t think that I’m in a situation like that, but I do feel like my battle becomes tougher when negativity is surrounding me.
I don’t have a problem sharing troubles; I really don’t. I’d rather people vented out or just be truthful with me.
It’s tough when people whisper behind your back and are unwilling to listen to you when you’re talking.
Again, I’m not necessarily in this situation myself, but the thought of it and somewhat able to relate to it in some aspects upsets me. Depression gets to me a lot. Small words and actions against me affects me in a different way than a normal person. That’s just how I was built.
Is that my fault? My mistake? My flaw?
Is it wrong that my life is lived in a way that I am sensitive to most things?
I find myself holding back words, tears, laughter, and just everything because I’ve been told before in many ways how wrong I am. It just so happens that I was built this way.
A lot of my poems have talked about this, and I’m not sure if I’ve ever actually said how I feel about this. I realize little by little, the things that I hate.. about myself are things people have told me I should fix and things they think are perfect. But I have said before, “the perfect” was burdensome and it also ate at me.
What was this post all about?
I don’t know. I just needed to write out things.