wars

tea Here’s the 411 on my recent job adventure. I technically don’t start until December and here’s why.

I had plans to go to the Philippines to get all of my four wisdom teeth taken out. Due to the small arch of my jaw, I’m not able to keep them without completely ruining my jaw. It’s already to the point of creaking and making cracking/popping sounds whenever I open my mouth. My family was hoping to wait for them to come out first (which was highly against my dentist’s wishes) because it’s cheaper to pull them out than to surgically take them out. Unfortunately, they’re there but not out. So, Philippines was our fail safe.

If you follow current news, you’ll know how crazy it is there right now and just how bad the relationship is between USA and the Philippines.

My mom’s definitely thinking twice of going. For me, anything is better than the constant pain. Though I’ve gotten so used to the pain, my doctor says I have such a high pain tolerance, she wonders if I can even feel it (in regards to all pain).

I can definitely feel it but I’m good at pushing it aside.

I have been in an incident where I got cut and couldn’t feel it until I told myself to feel it. That’s how good I’ve gotten at ignoring physical pain.

Anyhow. My employer knows that I’m thinking of staying in the Philippines for the month of November. One reason, again, for the teeth and another is the opportunity to paint a mural. I’ve painted only one mural before and I was in middle school? High school? So, there’s no turning down that chance. Since this employer knows me already from my sister, she’s pretty chill about the situation but she’s asked me to come by this coming Monday for early training (so I’ll be ready when I come back- which was my and my sister’s idea).

I’ll be honest; I’m hella nervous. I have had experience with icing and decorating cookies (that’s the job) and assembling. It wasn’t at all that very good. Granted, everything takes practice but man, I’m nervous. I’m a bit afraid that I won’t live up to my sister’s legacy either.

I remember back in high school, I ended up in similar classes as my oldest sister, different from the one that worked at the bakery, and thinking, am I smarter or as smart as her? Will the teachers compare us?

I’ve obviously learned not to compare myself with them. Still, the thought creeps in and that’s normal.

I think it’s important to admit that truth. We may feel insecure and blame it on a lot of different components but in the end, we’re all different people. Once we remind ourselves that, the only living-up-to we need to do is live up to our self-ideals, the better life becomes.

Remember this war on me?

It’s always going to be there. Battle after battle and that’s okay. Winning once gives us knowledge on how to win the next and the next and so forth. It’s okay to fall. Just, have the courage to get back up. I try to, every day.

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One thought on “wars

  1. You are right, don’t fear the future. It is such a waste of time … As far as the extractions go, best not to delay it. You’ll be an amazing decorator, decidedly different from your sister, but amazing in your own light …

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