i needed that.

tumblr_oee1xkkgk41rzzn4po1_500It is always true for me to need that alternative in my life, a sort of escape. What am I talking about? Well, I went to the annual Christmas party with my friends.

Though Christmas Eve turned out fun, there were still moments where I felt like I was forcing myself to have that fun. Christmas day proved to be just as I had thought, different. The difference was something my family couldn’t fix. It wasn’t up to us. To me, those two days should’ve been good days. There’s always going to be fighting but it’s the subject, why we’re fighting. I think, that’s the difference. Stubbornness is normal and we can get past that but there were bullying and indifference that really hurt each other.

So, I was hesitant about tonight. Super hesitant.

I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to see anyone. I wasn’t excited about it but as the time ticked by during preparation, I thought, maybe I can do this. I decided to give myself a chance. I would go, be happy, but go home earlier. Those were my conditions for myself.

I hadn’t seen these friends in a long time. I think it’s like taking a pill. I didn’t want to overdose since I wasn’t used to them. Therefore, the time limit.

I had a lot of fun and I knew that time would be precious. I cherished the last hour.

And it turned out really fun.

I wish I was still there but at the same time, I’m good with the dosage.

I’ve been having friend problems, connecting with them and getting along but today—tonight proves that we are all still closely alike. We may have separate paths, I know that can be daunting to friendships/relationships but maybe we’ll make it through the years.

Here’s to hoping, right?

I thought I wasn’t thankful for much. I mean, I’m always thankful for life, for family, friends and all that but it was like obligatory thankfulness. Tonight, I feel, that is once again a deeply passionate gratitude. I am blessed.

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