little by little

…certain traditions, rituals or ‘the usual’ change.

In life, that’s to be expected but I’ve never been one for obvious change. I’m not very good at adapting. Some people may say, ‘no, you can do it when you put your mind to it’ but there have been many changes in my life, though I live with those changes, I am unable to accept.

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i don’t like changes.

I’m truly unable to accept changes whether they are good or not. Changes to me is a lot to deal with. It’s another aspect to add to the daily struggles of living the day to day. When a person can’t even be normal, adding change to the equation complicates things.

I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who feels it.

My brother, who is able to set aside friends for solitude and can expect them to be there when he’s ready to come out of his shell again, constantly impresses me. I on the other am always in my shell and expect my friends to never be there. I want to trust people. I think, even though I’ve always said I trust easily, it’s really more that I want to trust easily. Regardless of my heart’s desires, I suspect people to be liars, conniving, cunning, and ultimately untrustworthy. Why? Because my parents. Time and time again, they have been drilling into my head how people can be fickle. As I grew older, I felt the truth in that statement more. People really do lie. I lie. People are conniving. I am. They are cunning. I can be. And ultimately, even I can’t trust myself.

What is friendship? What is love?

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4 thoughts on “little by little

  1. I can totally relate with you. Change is quite a hectic task for me too. It’s so hard for me to adapt to change. Even now I’m dealing with change and I just wish I can adapt to it as soon as I can.

    • All I can really say is that I wish you’d be able to adapt. Learn to be able to before you get to my age. lol I feel that it gets tougher as we grow older. From my experience, age has made it more difficult for fears to disappear and my comfort zones to be more, well, comfortable.

  2. Very few are fortunate enough to learn balance from their families, and parents so that can start right in building a better world. Even fewer, realize they are given this wrong toolkit to get started with. Since you are asking theses questions you are luck enough to be a soul who came here to find the truth. Keep asking the questions and you will find your answers!

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