la vie. life. buhay.


Not my betta but similar to mine.

Say the word in as many languages as you can, it’s all going to be the same. Life will always be what it is may it be difficult or easy is dependent on the person in question.

I’m not entirely sure if I’ve introduced my betta yet but I now own a betta fish/ siamese fighting fish named Pudge Juan or PJ for short. I also owned six stalks of bacopas. It’s in past tense because most have died and two are striving to live. I just have a black thumb. I mean, look at what happened to my zivas. They bloomed, yes, but ultimately my laziness got the better of them. I still have four remaining bulbs out of six but forcing them to grow indoors really took a toll on them, I think. Whereas the bacopas just totally fell apart on me and it wasn’t out of laziness. I couldn’t meet all the conditions for the plant and by the time that I was able to, they were already far gone. I’m hoping the last two will fight on with me but I doubt it. Laziness amongst other things have come between me and PJ’s environment clean up/uptake… maintenance.

PJ is thankfully reaching his three months with me. I suspect he’s already near or past 1yr of age. He’s kind of blind and his tail seemed to have been decaying the first hour he was brought to me. He’s gotten way less lethargic than when I first met him so that makes me happy.

Why the talk of fish though?

PJ has been a life saver, really. I try to be more active for his sake. I schedule or plan a lot of what I want to do without being too strict on myself. I’ve found a pretty good start to balancing my life again.

That’s life you know, constantly being thrown off and forced into a path you didn’t think you’d take or being able to withstand all that’s thrown at you.

I’m also about to reach my 3 months of being sober. Recently but not to recent, I’d fallen off track and hurt myself in the process. And the talk of the changes and how I’d been feeling as of late has been made bearable because of having PJ. Really, holding another creature’s life in my hands has enabled me to step up even if just a little. I’ve always valued life even if not my own. So, I know PJ’s survival and lasting the lifetime he’s supposed to live is very important. I don’t want him to live a short life because of mistreatment. I have a very negative view on stores like Petco because fish like PJ are kept in small cups where they can easily suffocate and die. Having them in those small cups even just a month can be damaging.

Another type of life would be the bacopas. I was negatively affected by their decaying. I had done my research and was told they were hardy plants. A beginner couldn’t kill them yet I did. So, having PJ survive in the same environment gives me hope that if I keep trying, I’ll eventually get it.

Having the aquarium makes me feel responsible and in control. If not in my life can I have some control at least the aquarium I’m caring for finds my presence or my existent important.



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