hair, self-love, and health

fantasy-girl-1082212_960_720The journey with my hair began about two years ago? Around October/November of 2015 and it ended September 2, 2017.

What journey, you didn’t ask?

I had a really huge problem with vanity. What I mean about this is, I hated myself. I was often called pretty and cute growing up. It was the worst thing for a child who wanted to be smart and capable because all others could talk about me was how cute I was. Nothing else I did seemed to matter to the adults. So, rather than feel proud of being beautiful, I began to hate it. Then the hate for it, I turned to myself.

When I took my indefinite break from university, the first things I did was 1. re-evaluate what was important to me and 2. understand why I was filled with anger and hate. My hair was one of the things that #2 pointed out.

I used to love my hair growing up. It was straight like my mom’s and I had nothing from my mom. I looked very much like that of my father’s side of the family and I didn’t like him all too much. But then, I lost the straight hair yet people still kept calling me pretty and cute. I was as smart and reliable like my other siblings yet I was still pretty and cute. Why was that?

At some point, I told myself, if pretty is what they wanted, pretty they’ll get. I cared too much about how I looked. I was always trying to look better but then I got tired.

So, I eventually stopped trying with everything. I ate whatever I wanted to eat. I didn’t care about what I looked like. I look like a boy? Okay, whatever. I look like I didn’t shower? So what. My hair took the brunt of my carelessness in my late teens and early “adulthood”.

Aside from gaining really unhealthy body fat, my hair was turned to tumbleweed. Whenever I went to the salon, the hairdresser would always say, “Oh, your hair is dry and brittle.” It was embarrassing because I’d stopped caring about myself.

To take care of me, I took care of my hair. After my hair, my diet followed. After my diet, I started exercising and meditating. It was a lot more convoluted than this in reality but I’ve finally reached the end of my hair journey.

I love my hair now and I love looking at myself. I don’t see pretty or cute. I see healthy and most of all, I see myself.

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I didn’t cut my hair for a year. I had trimmed the first three months in. Then again after six months by mom. Just a simple straight cut. Then, I started to trim it myself. I grew it

so long, I can actually donate a chunk of my beautiful healthy hair for those who want it. That part really makes me happy.

I went from having long hair and a bunch of self-hatred to short hair and a bunch of self-love. The incredible journey of me is in that chunk of hair I will be donating. The love, care, and consideration I gave myself were made physical.

How amazing is that?

Published by Roxanne

Hey, I’m Roxanne Adupe but you may know me more as June of June Sketches. I’m a 20-something Filipino freelance artist, located in California, dabbling in novel and comic writing to expand my horizons. I’ve always enjoyed world-building and storytelling as a child as a means of magical escape. Aptly, that is the dream goal, the finish line so to speak. https://roxanneadupe.com

4 thoughts on “hair, self-love, and health

  1. Yes I like how as a child you wanted to be defined my more than just a pretty face. I am glad you know embrace who you are. We have two choices on life. We can belong to “them” or we can belong to ourselves. This is what we all go through. I’m glad you came to the truth.

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