Friendships can be seriously saddening sometimes. How about that alliteration… Anyway, I get doubts planted and watered in the my head about my friendships because 1. Growing up, friends were manipulative and possessive, 2. They were fake, and 3. They were users, people who only saw me as a tool they can use. So, I get doubts when people get close to me. Even my siblings were like this towards me.
I was just never sure if I could trust in a forever or at least until the summer.
Even to this day friends I’ve had since middle school or hs are people I may call close friends but they’re not people I’d consider close in truth. Does that make sense? I question whether we’re friends and I know it’s partly due to depression but it’s also how I love as a person.
I can give 100% and feel that I’m receiving 60. It doesn’t feel good especially when you’re the type that needs 150 because the extra 50 goes to snuffing out depressive doubts. I’m also a logical person which is why I understand this about myself. I know that my doubts don’t have a place in this matter. I know that my friends are my friends but my logic doesn’t stop me from over thinking. I still do since it’s who I’ve always been. I can’t just stop me from being me so instead I write long rambling blogs trying to justify the existence of my doubts but also to stop myself from having them.
Did any of that even make sense or am I just crazy?
They’ve got me all messed up and unproductive, so I’m writing a vlog about it to make myself feel like I’ve done something today.
So, I’m not new to vivid dreaming. I’ve been this way since I was a kid but it really gets to me when the vivid dreams hinder my life. It works a little like depression in that I’m forced into a situation I can’t quite get out of. Dreams pull me into a world much like reality and I’m there, living instead of sleeping. Rather than getting that 8-hour sleep (if I’m good with time) I’m awake for 24 hours.
All I really want is to SLEEP but no, my mind has to work out things and chooses to keep me awake.
Thanks a lot mind. YOu fail… for the second time. Yeah, I’m blaming you for depression too.
Meanwhile, there’s this big fire where I live and it’s turned the sky into a nice golden-hour-type or a sunset of orange and yellow. As beautiful as that is, I feel very worried.
It’s such a rush of old feelings— not in a bad way per se but it does come as a shock to me, somewhat, how much I used to lie to people because I couldn’t come to terms with my reality which was I was unable to stay in school.
The emails make me cringe because I haven’t lied to people in two years, yeah know, the two years I’ve been in my self-healing journey.
The old me is hard to recall, embarrassing and an overall not so good memory. The upside is, I can also see the good sides. I’ve definitely changed for the better and my life feels more fulfilled than it had before. Though monetary wise, I can’t say I’m any better, emotionally and mentally I am more whole as a person than I ever was.
It’s a little weird looking at the “me” two years prior but I’m happy to see that I have indeed taken the right path for me. This can definitely be seen in my art these days.
Self-advertising because this is pretty much my life atm, getting my art life finally together. Lol As in, things I’d been working on are coming together full circle.
The image above directs you to the shop.
Currently, I have five artworks available in merch like shirts, stickers, tumblers, and pouches. You can also get them as prints if you want. ^^
I’m also at KoFi [dot] com.
If you buy me coffee (or tea) which is about $3, you get a portrait of you or anyone you want. This is the style:
Donating more? For a person that donated $6, I customized their portrait by adding fictional elements. I’ll also be adding other elements, like for this sample, I plan to add things like throwing stars, shells, and crosses to match the theme. (She’s a mermaid-ninja-vampire.)
In the future, I also plan to offer other things that you can buy like couple illustrations or pet and owner. But that’s still a bit far from today.
…because it’s time that I did.
Here’s what I so far have there…
art blog & more
Hello, my name is June and I’m a twenty-five-year-old self-proclaimed freelance artist (illustrator/designer) though I’ve not made money with my art before (unless I count that one time a high school teacher of mine requested for a watercolor painting and paid me for it). Okay… so we can totally count that.
how it didn’t start
They tell you to reach for your dreams just so they can crush it with their own hands. I’m talking about “adults”.
I was afraid of life so I let them dictate my life. I slowly lost myself and the worst thing was, I hated myself for giving up one me. Rather than take them out of the equation, I added self-pity and hatred. I became afraid of me. Who was I? I had no idea.
It’s probably nothing new to you guys but I do examine my life through my artist side and how my life experiences have affected my art. I know I’ve delved into that before but I’ll get into more depth about it on my art blog.
If you’re interested in art, check it out! I’ll also talk about inspirations and how I created some of my art pieces throughout my life. I’ll even have sketchbook throwbacks.
junesketches blogs about art